Running on Tuesday after work was tough, all the way through the day, all the way back down the M3 to Hill Lane, where I parked up, got out of the mobile oven, stretched and then started the pound round the common. The temptation of the internal dialogue was strong that day, the lure of the sofa, a nice cup of tea, a soak in the bath all sounded really rather lovely. The weather still showing off in all it's May glory, still hot but not quite as scorchio as it has been, so the run on Tuesday evening should have been something to look forward to, something to be excited about but it just kind of didn't?
I'd been thinking about it all day at work, drifting in and out of the internal, shall I, shan't I conversation. I did find a way to shut up the voice full of wonderful promises of sofas, tea, and movies and replace it with a more factual more enticing voice.
Part of the reason for this blog is purely selfish, it's extraordinarily cathartic to write what you want without a care in the world, there are no FSA guidelines to follow, no one to insult, and if you did, well then, they can just stop reading? No other opinions to garner prior to publishing, it's just plain unadulterated me.
So, Tuesday I was thinking about immediate gratification and not thinking about the long term benefits and rewards, a combination of moving away from pain and moving towards pleasure. Moving away from pain was the fear that I could still be sat on my arse wishing I was fit and a couple of dress sizes smaller (I am quite, quite bored of hearing that voice) and moving towards pleasure which was, getting addicted to running, and not being filled with fear and loathing whenever I needed to shop for clothes. Can't bear it now, all those people, all those ridiculous fashion items. Surely most of the shoes in New Look are for men who want to dress in drag? Some clothes I look at and I'm not even sure how you'd wear them, and as for getting the bongadongs in dresses forget it, imagine, if you will Les Dawson. So enough of the self flagelation, move onto the moving towards pleasure, I was part way there and digressed. So most importantly for me, the sheer feeling of pride at the achievement I'm working towards. I can feel it now as I write, it's hard to describe, it's like a giant smile spreading from my heart out through every part of me, it feels like I'm light as a feather, like I could fly and achieve anything. That's the feeling I'm going to anchor, the feeling I'm going to go back to time and time again for those days when the sofa is calling my name because when you feel as though you could turn inside out from the smile radiating from your heart, that's a bloody amazing feeling.