Lost and Found . . . Confidence

Aren't you always astounded when you hear friends or family berate themselves for something they've done badly or perhaps the way they look.  Comparing themselves to others unfavourably.  And when someone you love or care about does that, it can make you wince, or perhaps feel a little hurt that they can be so hard on themselves.  You know that they wouldn't ever talk to their friends in such a mean way so why is it OK to talk so harshly to ourselves in that way?

To those of you reading this who have never encountered the brutality of ones own inner harsh critic then you are indeed blessed.

Bullying is Cruel

To the unsuspecting and unprepared mind this is something that many of us do to ourselves, and we continue to let it happen.  I have done this for many, many years and have, I believe, kept up a fabulous facade of wonderfulnuss.  I'd like to remove the facade now, go down to the bare bricks and demonstrate over the coming weeks and months how hypnosis has and is changing my own personal bully and giving him the proverbial kick up the butt that he so rightly deserves.

Self Deprecation is Funny, Isn't it?

Don't we all laugh at those of us who take the mickey out of ourselves in good humour. After all, if we take the mickey out of ourselves, it's OK. Isn't it?  It depends I suppose. All to often the bully wins, and the loudest bullies have their host perhaps overeating, drinking too much, smoking . . . I'm sure there are too many for me to write here. We all know that bullying must be stopped and that has to include the bully in our minds.

Kicking my Bully in to Touch

I have been extraordinarily lucky, I believe, to have mostly told mine to 'add expletive of choice here' right off.  But sometimes he can rear his ugly head and get loud and nasty. He's been around recently and he's not very nice . . . Insults about looks generally; You look like 200lbs of chewed bubblegum, yeuch (after view in the mirror), you'll never get fit etc the list goes on. But now I have the mental equivalent of ninja tactics at my disposal.


After the parkrun
My results came through and after my initial euphoria of doing running the course my euphoria gave way to disappointment.  I questioned how fast I was getting fit?  It didn't seem enough?  I questioned my natural ability to get fit? Maybe I couldn't? Maybe I wasn't doing enough.  A general mental beating up.

Illness Hampers Progress
Goddammit. I'm supposed to be a paragon of health and fitness now that I've stopped smoking, started running and I've been plagued with more illness now compared to when my lifestyle was less than healthy!  A migraine wiped me out last Friday evening and Saturday.  I get the visual disturbances - which is basically lose about a third of my vision. Sometimes it's fleeting, sometimes it lasts for hours. Que horizontal, sofa association for the next 12 hours.  I missed the parkrun but did manage to run on Sunday.  Missed Monday LRRs as was out watching a musical in Woking! Was going to run on Tuesday after work but was exhausted and it was boiling.

All or Nothing Thinking
So as us hypnotherapists discuss with our clients, sometimes people will view a diet lost after having a slip up, or perhaps a smoker having a cigarette when out drinking with friends as they've blown it.  This is not so.

We are human, we slip up, that's life, shit happens, get over yourself and carry on.  So I did.

From one Extreme to Another
So the UK has been plagued with weeks and weeks of rain and then we are blessed with scorchio sunshine.  How to cope with the sudden change?  Where did I put those flip flops and that maxi dress? The bikini wearing is a definite no no this year but maybe next . . . .

With the sunshine beating down and the heat rising, running after work hasn't seemed quite so alluring? So being more of a morning person, as any regular reader will know I set my alarm for 6am ready to get that elusive run in.  I'd gone to bed at 10pm after listening to more Hypnosis for Running and when the alarm went off at 6am I was ready.

I'd mapped a 5.2km route.

Que: music from Chariots of Fire.

And I ran.

And I didn't stop. Not once. This if a first for me, a personal best.

And I was amazed, overjoyed, proud, super smiley and really, really, bloody chuffed!

Que: Rocky Music http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvEnIkz82A0  I implore you not to smile if you listen to this.

If you go down to the woods today . . . .

I do  hope that you read the title with the tune going through your mind . . . you'll be sure of a big surprise. I could go on, it's quite a nice bouncy tune but not one for my running list.

Running before 7am, You Must be Mad
Running in the morning, early, 'can she do it', 'yes she can'!  Last Saturday saw the alarm at the earlier time of 6.10am.  And last Saturday, if you were down on the South Coast, you know it was hideous.  Lashing wind and rain with no let up and it was exactly like that at 6.20am.  No need to worry about sweat marks today, I was one giant sweat mark, like I'd been sat in a bath with all my clothes on.  I did learn one thing about running in the rain though, bits of you rub against your clothes that didn't rub before.  Now I get what the Vaseline is for.

My Network of Support and I'm not talking about Bridget Jones' Pants
This network has been invaluable to help me keep going, getting me out of bed in the morning so I'd just like to take a moment to say a big thank you to all those who are aware of my running quest and my concern about the early morning runs. There are a regular few, who, when I'm planning an early morning run, which I post on Facebook (and then whine about it) will, if they are up, encourage me with comments of 'Are you up yet', or 'Get your arse out of bed' etc by commenting on my comment on FB which means my phone jingle jangles and there's no getting away from the comment I've made and the commitment to run.  The fact that I've made a public commitment, followed by encouragement from friends - also up that early(?) makes a huge difference.  I don't want to let anyone down and least of all myself.

Another before 7am Run - Crazy Arse Bird
Thing is, I really want to complete the Great South Run.  And I don't want to cross the finish line horizontal, crawling commando style, ripping my fingernails out as I drag myself over the tarmac.  Upright would be preferable.  Completed without walking would also be preferable.  And not last would be most preferable of all.  Increasing my fitness and running prowess is going to require, therefore, some dedication, with at least three runs a week . . . to start.

Life is a little hectic at the moment so the early morning runs are a necessity.  Last weekend I was in Bournemouth for the last of my Hypno training, and I've had my clients/case studies in the evenings this last week, hence the early morning runs.  Which, running on Thursday morning was amazing.  The sky was completely blue, with a big yellow thing in it.  I must do some research to find out what it was.

If you go down to the woods today you'll be sure of a big surprise . . .
To see me hoofing myself round a 5k route on Southampton common.  This was 'parkrun' a nationwide event, every Saturday all over the country.  You sign-up to get your bar code which is used to measure your time each week. Run 5K, cross the finish line, get your bar code at the end and you'll be emailed your results.  I'm still waiting for mine. But I can tell you now I'm not in the top ten!


I was thinking more tortoise and the hare when I set off, quickly reaching the lofty heights of last.  So the tortoise bit was clearly one of my strengths, lets just see if I had any others.  Even though this isn't a race 'so to speak' you get a certain feeling of competitiveness.  Now, growing up an only child, I have no such competitive urges, only really to beat myself.  Today's competitive urge was to NOT walk the route.  I nearly did it, I walked twice for a short period.  This is the best I've ever done so far as my running career goes and it feels great and I have to pat myself on the back.  Years ago I started running without any support and remember telling my (unconventional) Dad that I'd been running, properly chuffed with myself, he asked 'What did you steal?'. Still makes me smile today but perhaps, well done, you keep on going, might have been better.  Not half so much comedic value though.

So today I've run three miles and I survived. In true tortoise and hare style though I also, didn't finish last (insert smug smiley face). I just need to do that three times over and a little bit and the Great South Run is a piece of cake! I say to the Great South Run, you will not take me prisoner, or see me crawling commando style across the finish line.  I will finish in true Homsapien style.


So the running plan for the GSR is in production, nearly finished. And the Adam Eason hypnotherapy for Running http://www.hypnosisfordownload.com/hypnosis-for-running/ starts in earnest.


Over and out, until the next run, thankfully an evening one.

Catching Mice in My Sleep

Sleep Deprivation and Running
In my last post I'd had an amazing run with the LRR I'd felt amazing, my pace was good, I was able to put one foot in front of another without having to take many breaks, and if I did take a break it was short, I recovered well and stomped on.  Our leader thought we'd done about four miles, I think it was closer to three and a half.  I guess it doesn't really matter, I felt amazing, on top of the world, better than Julie Andrews on top of a mountain. The rain didn't matter . . .  The buzz continued well into the evening, my latest blog was written, more homework and client preparation work done and eventually I conceded defeat to leave the laptop alone and get some well earned rest. And so to bed I went. Read a bit of Paul Britton, _ Picking Up the Pieces and realised that some of the techniques he used I was also using and knew how to do (I surprised myself, this hypnosis stuff is really sticking to my brain). And then allowed myself the luxury of drifting off for a well earned recovery sleep.

Mind said YES the body said NO.  After feeling cold for about an hour, conceded to drag my sorry arse downstairs and get myself a hot water bottle.  It's 12.30 at this point.  Read a little more, eventually go to sleep. Wake about 3.30 am in a feverish sweat and eventually fall asleep about 4.30 and then Yey, the alarm is ringing in my ears at 6.45. Hurrah, now I have a days work and as yet it's not a day of hypnosis clients, the day job is still facilitating the finances, not long now though.

I'm not great when I'm tired.  Positively grumpy in fact.  But as a student of hypnosis I gave myself some positive chat about it was just a physical feeling and all would be well with the world.  That evening I was meeting with old work colleagues for a curry (not a boozy night) then heading off home to see my partner and an early night.  Or so I thought! My other half is a night owl and needs noise to get to sleep. I am not, and don't.  Mixing this together is about as pleasant as drinking a Brain Hemorrhage (if you've never done it read  all about it here http://liquorists.blogspot.co.uk/2009/10/brain-hemorrhage.html). The nights sleep further punctuated by a pounding headache at about 4am which I had to get up for and take pain killers, swiftly followed by my alarm clock. None of this makes for a excellent nights sleep. Feign surprise.


The Invisible Client
I managed to make it through the day and left a little early to make sure the house was clean and fresh for my client, I'd done all the prep, just needed to don my housecoat, put the hoover round and fluff the flowers.

As I waited for 8pm to roll round, it dawned on me that it wasn't the 11th July it was in fact the 4th July.  It was the 11th July my client was due. Light the fireworks, crack open the Champagne and allow the wallow to begin, the slow melt into the sofa of sleep with mind melting television to stare at.  My new found joy at the prospect of a relaxing evening and an early night with a deep sleep was extraordinarily exciting.

But short lived.

Skinned Cat Handbag Anyone?
The long climb up the stairs to the bedroom were hard, but I made it, I've been running don't you know.  Soon the comfort of my fabulous bed was wrapped around me, swiftly followed by the enveloping dark, velvety spendidnous of sleep.  Ahhhh . . . .

2am - there's something in the house.  Bollocks.  That's my cat.  And that's my cat with the distinctive Meow of 'Wow, look what I've brought you, aren't you just so proud of me'. My mind initially blank, as I jumped out of bed, looked for something to catch a mouse in, wrestled the cat out of the bedroom, caught mouse in said receptacle, released mouse to a life of freedom (if he can run fast enough. I'm thinking Tron, the original, that mouse is gonna have to be fast to survive).  Retired to bed, cursed the cat, and waited for sleep to arrive.  Which it did. Eventually AT ABOUT 3AM.  I'm not sure if you can tell but my patience was wearing a little thin.  But, ahhhh, allow yourself to relax.

Until 4AM!! Another comedic mouse chase ensued.  Mouse climbed in my new shoe.  I grabbed the shoe to save the mouse, carried it out into the hallway.  The mouse jumped out of the peep toe, landed in the hallway with a thud.  I turned to turn on the light, turned back.  No mouse.  Cat still looking for mouse in the other shoe (and they say cats are intelligent).

Return to bed.  Ready to cry.  And enjoy the snippets of sleep until the alarm goes off. I awoke feeling a little like this . . .

and went to work.

The day didn't start great but did improve and I ended up looking and feeling a little more human.  I embraced the M3 dressed in my running gear to meet my chum to run around the common and hoped that I wouldn't scare small children.

The Zombie Run
It wasn't great.  I was tired, I was grumpy, I was slow and I stopped more than I did on Monday.  But I was running.  In spite of my lack of sleep I was still running. I was surprised. I've never yet had this level of commitment to something that I didn't really have to do.  And here was this zombie, sweating and pink, still putting one foot in front of another around the common and through the cemetery and I did it. I completed the small route and I didn't cave in to the sofa desires straight from work.

The sofa became my friend as did a glass of wine, followed by a bath, some crap TV and my bed.  And I slept . . . . all the way through until today, no mice, no noise.  Just unadulterated sleep.  And relax.

The Saturday Run
Today has been productive.  Some homework completed.  Toenails painted for the party tomorrow night. Outfit sorted, everything has been pretty good apart from my computer skills which seemed to have failed me consistently this morning.  Those of you on the Hub of Hypnosis will understand and I'm sure my humiliation will continue well into the weekend.  I may tell that story another time.

To get my third run in this week it requires that I'm up and out of the door by 6.20am. Yes, 6.20am.  But you know what, I'm quite excited.  I've done it before and the high I got from an early morning run was immense.  Every time I achieve a run, on my own, early in the morning my belief increases that little bit more.  I can picture me running past the finish line in October bursting with pride, fit and healthy and believing that I can achieve anything.  This is the vision I'll be using every time I'm tired or the sofa is calling my name.

Tron, eat your heart out.

From 0 to 3 in 7 days

From a week of self flagellation to a week of abusing my leg muscles
Oooh it's been a while since I posted and so much has happened since the last self abusive blog post I put up.  Nothing too exciting, I haven't won the lottery and Jonny Depp hasn't asked me out on a date yet (give it time, the break up is still new) but I have upped my running.

So, I joined the Lordshill Road Runners (LRR) and ran with Father Christmas, ran in the rain, all shouty and proud and I also ran on the Saturday.  I ran three times in a week! I'd gone from 0 to 3 in a week, not as impressive as a Ferrari but more impressive than a Daewoo Matiz.  Imagine if you will a sort of Jackie Chan pose, punching the space in front of you, shouting 'Get In'.  Or alternatively giving yourself a pat on the back (I can do that as I have hypermobile joints, not so sure it's so good for the long term health of them to keep extending them?).  My belief and excitement grows with every run that I do and it continues to improve.  I'm running further before stopping and stopping less and for shorter periods of time.  I'm extraordinarily glad that I never listened to my mother who believes that God wouldn't have invented cars if we were meant to use our legs! It's great to be rebellious sometimes.

The increased running activity rolled into the Monday with week two with the LRR.  Mmm, something had possessed my legs, or my self belief or my lung capacity.  I was rubbish and I mean R U B B I S H.  I kept stopping, more than I'd done in weeks. My legs felt heavier, like someone had snuck weights into the soles of my trainers, and lead lined my socks.  I sweated and I heaved myself round but I just wasn't that great and I felt bad about it.  Surely my fitness should be increasing, not decreasing.  I do hope that I'm not one of those unfortunate few whose genes dictate that they just won't get fit (there was a whole programme about this, I'm pretty sure it was Panorama as well)? If I am I'll just go get myself a Daewoo Matiz and be done with it. Hurrumph.

A friend who comes with me had decided to go into the next group up as she's fitter and lighter than me.  And she did five miles with her group and while I was really, really chuffed I felt a tinge of jealousy.Why couldn't I run that far yet?  I've been going out for about two months now, why aren't I shooting round the common in no time and a size 10 already?  In my head I was stamping my foot, and crossing my arms whining that it wasn't fair, Nelly the Elephant looming loud in my ears with a sub woofer and the volume turned up high.  And I decided to stop that, I had a word with myself, turned the music down, changed the tune and moved on.

Morning runs
Not the kind after a particularly vehement curry, but the trainers and alarm clock type of run.  After my success with three runs in a week I wanted to carry it on.  And having busy evenings with preparation for a hypno client, and seeing the client I had to fit one in somehow.  The only conclusion was that it was going to have to be an early morning run. Now for me to get to work in a timely manner requires leaving the house about 8 ish, so to fit in a run requires getting up about 6 ish. Ouch.  The words of my mother were ringing in my ears.  I thought it likely that the bed would be victorious over trainers.  Running gear was laid out like a brides wedding dress before the big day.  Alarm was set.  Whining about it on Facebook had been completed. Sleeping commenced.  Alarm clock started.  Snooze button was hit.  The internal dialogue started. I was saved by a good friend who happened to also be up at that ungodly hour and posted on Facebook 'Are you running yet?'  That was all it took, the PJ's slipped to the floor, the Bongadong scaffolding was applied, wick away shorts, double skin socks, hair scraped back to create a mini facelift, trainers at the door and I was off.

It was bloody marvelous. I felt high as a kite, I'm sure you could get an equivalent feeling by having a line of cocaine with your Cornflakes and coffee (if that was your thing) but I got mine because I ran. And because I was pushing towards a future that I believe in and want.  Because I'm eventually getting it, this thing called self belief, this treating yourself nicely with a bit of respect.  I'm really, really getting it and it beats the evil sofa, the glasses of wine, the extra hour in bed, the big bags of sweets . . .

The Jedi Runners
And now the training starts in earnest with Adam Eason's Hypnosis for Running and the Jedi Runners for support.  The hypnosis will start and perhaps more early morning runs to get me to that 10 mile fitness goal.

And tonight . . .
With the LRR, we ran about four miles.  More than I've ever done, with less stops and more running. Que Jackie Chan stance while shouting 'Get In'.